Genius

Recently I listened to a TED talk where author Elizabeth Gilbert explained the genesis of the word genius (http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius.html). She talked about how in ancient Rome people were described as “having a genius” not “being a genius”.

A “genius” to be had was something outside oneself; some deeper inspiration with almost a divine like quality which could inhabit a person and manifest itself through moments of marvelous creativity or wisdom. Thus great poets, and philosophers, and dancers, etc. were considered to have a “genius”.. a spirit which moved through them and used them as the vessel for something beautiful and otherworldly.

Through history, however, we began to think of people as being geniuses rather than having them. We placed the human on a pedestal as the essence of supreme intelligence, rationality, and creativity, instead of merely the vessel for them. In turn, we have both lost some of our humility and placed ourselves under an almost unachievable amount of pressure. In forgetting to praise the gifts of divine inspiration and intuition, we’ve closed ourselves off from inviting them into our being. We’ve lost our connection to the sacred inner soul that connects us all.

It’s interesting that Albert Einstein, undoubtedly one of the greatest “geniuses” ever to exist, once said: “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”

I can’t help but think how true that is. Our rational mind is supposed to be something that serves our intuition, our conscience, the divine energy that rests within us. Instead, we are conditioned to believe that we must suppress our emotions, our gut feelings, and be “rational”. I wonder how much we lose and miss in the process.

If Einstein is correct, then our intuitive mind is a gift, a genius that we are blessed to carry. Our intuitive mind is supposed to free us to live this life with greater ease and authenticity. It helps us direct our rational mind into doing those things which will be most life-giving, fruitful, and meaningful for us. When we forget that, then we risk losing our passion and joy in efforts to do only what we are “supposed to”, what is “logical”.

Our rational mind serves a necessary purpose: it helps us to function successfully in the world. Often times it protects us and gives us defined boundaries within which to act and be. But the truth is that sometimes what is most healing for us, what we deeply need, what will bring us life, isn’t necessarily rational. Just as much as our rational mind serves a distinct purpose, it also has the propensity to stifle creativity and movement.

Sometimes I wonder if that’s not why people hold so tightly to long held beliefs about society, and politics, and God. All around me I listen to people fight about the economy, and homosexuality, and rights for the poor. And I think it makes sense that so many people struggle to uphold the way things have always been. Our rational mind tells us:

This is the way we have always done things, we have done them for a reason. And, this is the way we have always believed, we have believed this way for a reason. We are the genius and so we know, this is the way the world works.

It makes sense to think like that. It’s safe. It’s rational. It serves to provide us with known boundaries within which to exist.

And yet, how many of us are quieting our intuitive mind in order to live like this? I feel confident in saying that my intuition, at least, tells me:

Just because we have always done things this way, doesn’t mean it’s right. And just because this is the way we have always believed, doesn’t mean it’s true. This is not the way the world has to work; this is simply the way we choose to make the world work for us. We are not the geniuses, but sometimes we are gifted to have geniuses.

My fear is that if we stop honoring the genius that deigns to visit us from time to time, then maybe, eventually, it will stop visiting. My fear is that if we don’t stop honoring the servant and forgetting the gift, then the gift might disappear altogether.

So today, for my part, I choose to honor the sacred gift of my intuitive mind. I choose to appreciate the genius who periodically shows up within me to offer me guidance, and creativity, and wisdom.

I choose to say, "Thank you, thank you, thank you," over and over again.

Happy here, in the moment

I am not afraid to admit that one of my favorite movies is, “Reality Bites” starring Winona Rider, Ethan Hawk and Ben Stiller.

For those of you unfamiliar with this epic love story, towards the beginning of the movie, Winona’s character, Lelaina, is on a first date with Michael played by Ben Stiller. Towards the end of the date, Michael says, “do you ever have those moments in life where everything is OK? Do you know what I mean? Just for, like, one moment, everything is great.” Lelaina replies, “yeah... yeah. When you, like, catch yourself in a moment... and you're saying, wait, I'm happy here in the moment.” “Right. And then it just goes away really quickly.”

Well, I had one of those moments today.

It was about 6:30PM and I had just gotten home from a day of visiting family and running errands. It was my first full day off in over three weeks so I was understandably tired and slightly overwhelmed with life.

Despite feeling a bit run-down, I was excited to take my dog on a walk. Over the previous couple of hours it had started snowing, unexpectedly, and he loves the snow.

I got into the house, put down my groceries, turned the oven to pre-heat, and put Frost’s collar on so that we could venture outside.

As soon as we got outside, he literally started bounding across the driveway. As I quickly trailed along behind him, I paused a moment to take it all in. The sky was darkening; the air was refreshing and inviting. The snow was falling brilliantly and landing gracefully on top of trees and roofs and grass and asphalt.

Have you ever noticed how snow glitters like hundreds of diamonds scattered in every direction? Snow sparkles in the moon just as water glistens when captured in sunlight. And snow landing upon Frost’s white back made him glow like he was his own eternal being.

So, I walked along and I breathed in this immense beauty and I couldn’t help but think, “I’m happy. Wait, pay attention, in this moment, I’m truly happy.”

And I know that moments like those do pass all too quickly. Outside of that moment are all sorts of realities that I wouldn’t choose for myself if given the chance: like the fact that no matter how much I try to save, I always feel as if I am broke; or that I truly think our country might be falling apart and I have no idea what to do about it; or the acknowledgement that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and I am yet again single.

There are plenty of things to stress about or fight against.

But, despite all of that, tonight I caught myself in a moment of real clarity. I took a deep breath in and tried to catch a snowflake on my tongue. I walked confidently and comfortably and thought to myself: I am happy. I am okay.

Sometimes, that is all that you need to keep on keeping on, as they say. All you need is one moment to remind you that you are okay exactly as you are, where you are in life…. one moment of stillness and quiet amidst a world of movement and noise.

The truth is: I bet I have those moments more often than I realize. The failure is in taking the time to catch them.. to pause enough to notice and appreciate them. It seems so much easier to catch yourself in moments of pain, and disappointment, and fear.

It reminds me of something a friend said to me several years ago. I was complaining about not having the love relationship in my life that I wanted and he wisely responded, “You have an amazing love life, it’s just not the kind you’re looking for.” It was a reminder to me that instead of focusing on the one love relationship that I didn’t have, I could choose to focus on the many beautiful relationships I did have… the many people who did truly love me and whom I loved in return.

It’s the same with happy moments: we can choose to focus on all the things that don’t seem to be going right, or to focus on all of the things that are indeed good and beautiful and just as we feel they should be.

So, on this Valentine’s Eve, I am presented with a choice. And I choose to breathe in the deep, clean, crisp air of winter and smile in appreciation of my own amazing love life.

I choose to catch myself and say, “Wait, I’m happy here in the moment”.

Frost

I have a 75lb American White Shepherd name Frost. He’s big, white, furry and very loud. To pretty much everyone else in the world he’s a nuisance.. he’s invasive, annoying, anxious, and basically just too much for anyone to handle. At least once a month, someone asks me why I don’t just find another home for him. Why do I keep him? Sure, my life would be easier. It would be a lot simpler and less confined if I didn’t have another creature to take care of, especially one as large and difficult as he is. But here’s the thing….

Frost saves me. Daily. Sometimes life is crazy and uncontrollable. Sometimes the world is scary and not what you hoped for or expected. Sometimes you need someone to remind you that you are in fact not alone and that everything is going to be okay, after all.

For me, that someone is Frost. I keep him for the ten minutes every morning when he lies next to me, completely quiet and still. It’s the time when he licks my face and let’s me pet him. It’s the time where he reminds me that I am loved and that he has my back.

The last few years of my life have been full of unchartered territory. It’s been a time of growth and renewal; mistakes and confirmations. It’s been a time of reorienting myself to the world and regaining my footing.

Prior to that time was more confusion.. darkness… aloneness.. lostness. I keep Frost because during that time, he kept me sane. He reminded me what it was to care for another being. He reminded me what it meant to be in relationship. He assured me that I was indeed not alone.

There’s a cheesy quote that I happen to adore which says, “To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world." That’s how I feel about Frost.

He makes me feel like I am his world, and some days, that’s all I need to get up and continue functioning. That’s the presence and affirmation I need to open myself up to life, and love, and the world.

Of course, in the end, I also keep him because I know his failures are not his fault. He’s not well behaved, because I didn’t train him. He does whatever he wants, because I let him. And truly, I’m okay with that. We have a deal, Frost and I, he welcomes me and loves me unconditionally, and for that, I allow him leeway to be less constrained.. to be more like himself, and less like the confined version of himself that everyone else wants him to be.

That’s really the lesson that these last few years have taught me.. that there’s plenty of people in your life that are going to do what they can to mold you into the version of yourself that they like or can use best. And, your purpose is to do everything you can to ignore those voices (and sometimes commands) and do everything you can to be the best version of yourself that you like… that you can live with.

Frost and I have a deal. It’s to love each other unconditionally.. and to allow each other to be ourselves; truly and freely.

I like our deal and I don’t really care if anyone else gets it.