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Many Blessings to you and yours!
Monday, April 28, 2014
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Patience is a Virtue
“Patience
is a virtue”. It’s interesting to me
that we use these words commonly while we don’t really say “kindness is a
virtue” or “honesty is a virtue” or “humility is a virtue”, even though they
are. I wonder if the reason we are so
stuck on patience is because it is just really hard.
When I was
in college I worked at Home Depot as a cashier.
One day my line was particularly long and for whatever reason it was
taking a while to ring thru the customer I was serving. As I continued working with the customer in
front of me, the female customer next in line was getting noticeably more
agitated and impatient. Finally, in a
not so graceful moment, I turned to this woman and said with a degree of force,
“be patient”. Be patient. Two simple words that are so unbelievably
hard to live into.
Being
patient requires that we accept where we are and acknowledge where we are as an
okay place to be. Accepting where we are
spans an enormous array of degrees from accepting our place in the grocery line
to accepting our place in life… our place in relationships.. in work.. in
recovery. By being impatient we are
saying that there is something wrong about where we are or who we are with or
what we are doing. Sometimes it feels like there is definitely
something wrong about where we are or who we are with or what we are doing and
so irritation, anger, or disappointment arise in us manifested as
impatience. Makes sense. Impatience makes a lot of sense. I get it, and yet, I wonder how useful it is.
Getting
upset about being stuck in traffic has never made traffic move any faster or me
feel any better. Fretting incessantly about
not having a job when I was unemployed didn’t appear to increase the number of
interviews or offers I received. There
is something about patience to me that says where you are right now, whether or
not it is where you intended to be, is okay.
It’s acceptable. It’s enough.
When I
release the impulse to change the circumstances I am in and to control the
uncontrollable, I feel a settling within myself.. a settling of my body, mind,
and soul. I settle into the moment in
front of me, normally by taking a deep breath, and merely allow myself to be. Impatience seems to arise from all of the
doing, the constant rushing, we are so apt to make a habit out of our
lives. Patience requires being. It requires mindful attention to our current
place in life and a reworking of how we perceive that place.
Although I
highly appreciate and recommend watching this clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgeuCgODgv4,
I believe true patience takes more than calmly waiting. Calmly waiting is definitely a start. But from there lies the invitation not merely
to wait for the next moment to arrive but to appreciate and even celebrate this
present moment. Right here, right
now.
“As you walk and
eat and travel, be where you are. Otherwise you will miss most of your life.”
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
New Years Intention 2014: "Love your neighbor as yourself".
"Love your neighbor as yourself".
I have long been intrigued by this verse. While popular, I often find these words to be misunderstood. I hear people use these words to compel their loved ones to be kind, compassionate, and generous to others. And while I wholeheartedly agree with this intention, I've witnessed many people live out these words to the neglect of themselves. I've heard people say, "Scripture tells me to love my neighbor... it says nothing about loving myself". I beg to differ.
The verse says: "love your neighbor as yourself", the imperative word here being "as". The long form of this phrase would be "love your neighbor as you love yourself". This means that in order to be kind, compassionate, and generous to our neighbor, we must first be these things to ourselves. Think about it. If you are invited to love someone as you love yourself this means that if you dislike yourself you are to dislike that someone, if you are cruel to yourself, then you are to be cruel to that someone. Conversely, if you cherish yourself then to others you are invited to do likewise. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. This verse assumes that we love ourselves, which I find to be a rather large assumption.
I know a lot of people who are good at judging themselves. I know people who criticize themselves or call themselves names. I even know people who appear pretty self-satisfied on the outside but are masking an extremely low sense of self-worth on the inside. I do know some people who kind of like themselves and are generally okay with themselves, but I know only a few people who really seem to accept and love their full selves, flaws and all.
My yoga instructor this evening highlighted this idea when he admonished us to spend 2014 putting ourselves first, to move ourselves to "the top of the list" as he put it. This isn't because he is secretly trying to breed narcissists. It's because he knows deeply that if we are to have the energy, empathy, strength and passion that we so want to put back into the world we must first give it to ourselves. We must nurture ourselves in order to nurture our loved ones... and our neighbors. He also reflected that unless we love ourselves unconditionally, we cannot freely or aptly love others.
I don't know what it looks like for you to practice loving yourself, or practice self-cherishing as I like to call it. Perhaps it starts by forgiving yourself when you are sometimes impatient, or asking yourself what you really want to do on a Friday night, or taking 30min every day to do one thing that you deeply enjoy. Whatever it may be, I encourage you to give yourself permission to do it and not apologize for it.
I think this world needs more people who aren't afraid of caring for themselves. The people I know who practice taking care of themselves are some of the most genuine, generous, and delightful people I have been blessed to come into contact with. Maybe it's because learning how to love themselves opened them up to loving others, including me, wholeheartedly.
As for me, what do I want for 2014? How am I going to practice self-cherishing? I'm going to start with trying to lay down any residual guilt for being who I am, valuing what I value, or wanting what I want. And then, I'm going to try to be intentional about making 2014 about creativity, courage, and compassion. Why those three things, you may ask.
Simply because I want to.
I have long been intrigued by this verse. While popular, I often find these words to be misunderstood. I hear people use these words to compel their loved ones to be kind, compassionate, and generous to others. And while I wholeheartedly agree with this intention, I've witnessed many people live out these words to the neglect of themselves. I've heard people say, "Scripture tells me to love my neighbor... it says nothing about loving myself". I beg to differ.
The verse says: "love your neighbor as yourself", the imperative word here being "as". The long form of this phrase would be "love your neighbor as you love yourself". This means that in order to be kind, compassionate, and generous to our neighbor, we must first be these things to ourselves. Think about it. If you are invited to love someone as you love yourself this means that if you dislike yourself you are to dislike that someone, if you are cruel to yourself, then you are to be cruel to that someone. Conversely, if you cherish yourself then to others you are invited to do likewise. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. This verse assumes that we love ourselves, which I find to be a rather large assumption.
I know a lot of people who are good at judging themselves. I know people who criticize themselves or call themselves names. I even know people who appear pretty self-satisfied on the outside but are masking an extremely low sense of self-worth on the inside. I do know some people who kind of like themselves and are generally okay with themselves, but I know only a few people who really seem to accept and love their full selves, flaws and all.
My yoga instructor this evening highlighted this idea when he admonished us to spend 2014 putting ourselves first, to move ourselves to "the top of the list" as he put it. This isn't because he is secretly trying to breed narcissists. It's because he knows deeply that if we are to have the energy, empathy, strength and passion that we so want to put back into the world we must first give it to ourselves. We must nurture ourselves in order to nurture our loved ones... and our neighbors. He also reflected that unless we love ourselves unconditionally, we cannot freely or aptly love others.
I don't know what it looks like for you to practice loving yourself, or practice self-cherishing as I like to call it. Perhaps it starts by forgiving yourself when you are sometimes impatient, or asking yourself what you really want to do on a Friday night, or taking 30min every day to do one thing that you deeply enjoy. Whatever it may be, I encourage you to give yourself permission to do it and not apologize for it.
I think this world needs more people who aren't afraid of caring for themselves. The people I know who practice taking care of themselves are some of the most genuine, generous, and delightful people I have been blessed to come into contact with. Maybe it's because learning how to love themselves opened them up to loving others, including me, wholeheartedly.
As for me, what do I want for 2014? How am I going to practice self-cherishing? I'm going to start with trying to lay down any residual guilt for being who I am, valuing what I value, or wanting what I want. And then, I'm going to try to be intentional about making 2014 about creativity, courage, and compassion. Why those three things, you may ask.
Simply because I want to.
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