Frost

I have a 75lb American White Shepherd name Frost. He’s big, white, furry and very loud. To pretty much everyone else in the world he’s a nuisance.. he’s invasive, annoying, anxious, and basically just too much for anyone to handle. At least once a month, someone asks me why I don’t just find another home for him. Why do I keep him? Sure, my life would be easier. It would be a lot simpler and less confined if I didn’t have another creature to take care of, especially one as large and difficult as he is. But here’s the thing….

Frost saves me. Daily. Sometimes life is crazy and uncontrollable. Sometimes the world is scary and not what you hoped for or expected. Sometimes you need someone to remind you that you are in fact not alone and that everything is going to be okay, after all.

For me, that someone is Frost. I keep him for the ten minutes every morning when he lies next to me, completely quiet and still. It’s the time when he licks my face and let’s me pet him. It’s the time where he reminds me that I am loved and that he has my back.

The last few years of my life have been full of unchartered territory. It’s been a time of growth and renewal; mistakes and confirmations. It’s been a time of reorienting myself to the world and regaining my footing.

Prior to that time was more confusion.. darkness… aloneness.. lostness. I keep Frost because during that time, he kept me sane. He reminded me what it was to care for another being. He reminded me what it meant to be in relationship. He assured me that I was indeed not alone.

There’s a cheesy quote that I happen to adore which says, “To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world." That’s how I feel about Frost.

He makes me feel like I am his world, and some days, that’s all I need to get up and continue functioning. That’s the presence and affirmation I need to open myself up to life, and love, and the world.

Of course, in the end, I also keep him because I know his failures are not his fault. He’s not well behaved, because I didn’t train him. He does whatever he wants, because I let him. And truly, I’m okay with that. We have a deal, Frost and I, he welcomes me and loves me unconditionally, and for that, I allow him leeway to be less constrained.. to be more like himself, and less like the confined version of himself that everyone else wants him to be.

That’s really the lesson that these last few years have taught me.. that there’s plenty of people in your life that are going to do what they can to mold you into the version of yourself that they like or can use best. And, your purpose is to do everything you can to ignore those voices (and sometimes commands) and do everything you can to be the best version of yourself that you like… that you can live with.

Frost and I have a deal. It’s to love each other unconditionally.. and to allow each other to be ourselves; truly and freely.

I like our deal and I don’t really care if anyone else gets it.