Happy here, in the moment

I am not afraid to admit that one of my favorite movies is, “Reality Bites” starring Winona Rider, Ethan Hawk and Ben Stiller.

For those of you unfamiliar with this epic love story, towards the beginning of the movie, Winona’s character, Lelaina, is on a first date with Michael played by Ben Stiller. Towards the end of the date, Michael says, “do you ever have those moments in life where everything is OK? Do you know what I mean? Just for, like, one moment, everything is great.” Lelaina replies, “yeah... yeah. When you, like, catch yourself in a moment... and you're saying, wait, I'm happy here in the moment.” “Right. And then it just goes away really quickly.”

Well, I had one of those moments today.

It was about 6:30PM and I had just gotten home from a day of visiting family and running errands. It was my first full day off in over three weeks so I was understandably tired and slightly overwhelmed with life.

Despite feeling a bit run-down, I was excited to take my dog on a walk. Over the previous couple of hours it had started snowing, unexpectedly, and he loves the snow.

I got into the house, put down my groceries, turned the oven to pre-heat, and put Frost’s collar on so that we could venture outside.

As soon as we got outside, he literally started bounding across the driveway. As I quickly trailed along behind him, I paused a moment to take it all in. The sky was darkening; the air was refreshing and inviting. The snow was falling brilliantly and landing gracefully on top of trees and roofs and grass and asphalt.

Have you ever noticed how snow glitters like hundreds of diamonds scattered in every direction? Snow sparkles in the moon just as water glistens when captured in sunlight. And snow landing upon Frost’s white back made him glow like he was his own eternal being.

So, I walked along and I breathed in this immense beauty and I couldn’t help but think, “I’m happy. Wait, pay attention, in this moment, I’m truly happy.”

And I know that moments like those do pass all too quickly. Outside of that moment are all sorts of realities that I wouldn’t choose for myself if given the chance: like the fact that no matter how much I try to save, I always feel as if I am broke; or that I truly think our country might be falling apart and I have no idea what to do about it; or the acknowledgement that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and I am yet again single.

There are plenty of things to stress about or fight against.

But, despite all of that, tonight I caught myself in a moment of real clarity. I took a deep breath in and tried to catch a snowflake on my tongue. I walked confidently and comfortably and thought to myself: I am happy. I am okay.

Sometimes, that is all that you need to keep on keeping on, as they say. All you need is one moment to remind you that you are okay exactly as you are, where you are in life…. one moment of stillness and quiet amidst a world of movement and noise.

The truth is: I bet I have those moments more often than I realize. The failure is in taking the time to catch them.. to pause enough to notice and appreciate them. It seems so much easier to catch yourself in moments of pain, and disappointment, and fear.

It reminds me of something a friend said to me several years ago. I was complaining about not having the love relationship in my life that I wanted and he wisely responded, “You have an amazing love life, it’s just not the kind you’re looking for.” It was a reminder to me that instead of focusing on the one love relationship that I didn’t have, I could choose to focus on the many beautiful relationships I did have… the many people who did truly love me and whom I loved in return.

It’s the same with happy moments: we can choose to focus on all the things that don’t seem to be going right, or to focus on all of the things that are indeed good and beautiful and just as we feel they should be.

So, on this Valentine’s Eve, I am presented with a choice. And I choose to breathe in the deep, clean, crisp air of winter and smile in appreciation of my own amazing love life.

I choose to catch myself and say, “Wait, I’m happy here in the moment”.